Jasmin reunited with her father yet is alienated by her mother
Jasmin is an aspiring LPN who recently turned nineteen. She was reunited with her father after his release from prison but is alienated by her mother and siblings.
One of my alienated friends introduced me to Jasmin (she chose this name for this article). She met Jasmin at a local Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
Jasmin is alienated by her mother and her siblings. This is her story.
Nearly a month ago, I was contacted by one of my alienated friends whom I’ve known for a long time. She asked if I would meet her for a late lunch so she could introduce Jasmin. This young woman has a unique story about alienation. I met with Jasmin twice before releasing her story. Jasmin appears to be a happy, kind, and polite young lady. Fashionably speaking, she dresses similarly to the early 70s with a classy scarf. She is attending nursing school to obtain her LPN and aspires to become a registered nurse.
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Jasmin grew up in Richmond, VA, and lived in the inner city; she attended a school known for violence, drugs, and the unrestricted use of alcohol. Her father worked full-time as a janitor for Richmond City, and her mother worked part-time at a laundromat.
She said her mother and father loved her brother, sister, and herself. They grew up in a poor neighborhood but were never hungry as some of her friends were; their basic needs were met.
Abuse between the parents begins
Her mother became angry at her father when she was between eight and nine years old, and her mom was often hostile toward him. Nearly every night for a year, they argued before the kids went to sleep; later, they began hitting each other. To this day, her father doesn’t know why her mom was hostile toward him. She asked her mother but never explained why she was so enraged.
Her Father is arrested.
One school night, her mom was screaming, so Jasmin rushed to her parent’s bedroom. Her father said, “It was an accident. I did slap your mother, and she fell on the corner of the dresser.” Jasmin relates, “My mom passed out a few minutes after I entered their room. Blood was everywhere. My dad was bent over her, terribly upset, saying he was sorry as he called 911, asking for help. My brother, sister, and I held our parents close.
“My dad was frantically trying to call my uncle, grandmother, and others, asking for help to prevent us from being taken by CPS. I know this because he yelled at my uncle to come and help, or his family would be split up. My dad tried to tell me that the police would arrest him and that no matter what happened, he loved us.
The ambulance and police arrived, and my Dad told the police it was an accident and that he didn’t mean for her to hit her head. He begged the police to wait thirty minutes while his brother and other family members arrived to pick up my siblings and me. The police told him they would not stay and that the other unit would care for us kids. I looked at the police officer and begged him to wait until the family arrived. He asked my dad, while in handcuffs, to sit on the couch, and we were told to stay away from Dad while waiting for the family to arrive.”
Mom spent two months in ICU due to a brain injury.
“My mom was rushed to the hospital as her brain began swelling. The doctor told my grandmother they would do everything possible to save her. My mom spent thirteen weeks in ICU and nearly another month in a step-down unit. She was released from the hospital in just over four months. She then spent another month in bed. There were weeks of speech therapy and several months of physical therapy. Her speech may never fully recover.”
Moms in the Hospital, Dad in Jail, and we are now split among family members.
Jasmin looked at me and said, “Darel, now that I think about it, most likely, my Dad’s quick thinking may have saved us kids from being split up by CPS. His call to my uncle kept the police from following the rule book. My uncle arrived and told the police they could release us in his care. My dad signed some form, and we left immediately with my uncle, who later drove me to my grandmother (maternal), and my sibling was split up between my mom’s two sisters.”
Dad was charged, arraigned, and sentenced to five years in prison.
“My grandmother has always been nice to me,” she added, “and even though my dad made a big mistake, my grandmother said, ‘Your Dad did wrong, but he’s always loved his kids and my daughter. When he began dating your mother, he was crazy about her, but you know your mother can be very mean sometimes, so we must forgive both of them.’ “My grandma never badmouthed my dad and only mentioned the truth about my mom’s mean streak.”
While Mom was in the Hospital and Dad was in jail, she began drinking.
“I didn’t know it then, but now my grandmother was a functioning alcoholic. My grandma drank daily, mostly while watching television before sleeping. I was scared, my future wasn’t clear, and I feared what might happen to my mom and dad. Grandma frequently mentioned that she drank to help her sleep, and one night just after my thirteenth birthday, I felt relaxed like my grandmother had said happened to her, and I fell asleep without worry. Later, I started sneaking a glass of wine every day after school and drank again after grandma went to sleep. My grandma commented that she must have been unwittingly drinking more than usual.”
Dad was sentenced to prison, and she drank her first bottle of wine.
Jasmin then relayed that about six months later, her dad was sentenced to prison for five years. That night, she drank an entire wine bottle and passed out on the couch. Her grandmother tried to wake her for school but quickly realized her granddaughter was drunk and passed out from drinking. The biggest clue was the empty bottle was laying on the floor.
Social Services attempt to intervene.
“Darel, I’m not sure why social services began harassing my grandmother, but maybe it was because of my dad’s prison sentence. Social services and CPS began harassing my grandmother and my aunt within a few weeks after my dad was sent to prison. My dad began writing to each of us a couple of times each week and wrote to us the entire time. I wrote to my dad, letting him know that social services had contacted my grandma and aunt. He told me not to let them into my grandmother’s or aunt’s home. He said they wanted to kidnap us, kids, legally. He also said I was to tell Terrell they are trying to take us kids, but he will make sure they leave us alone.”
Terrell, the gang leader and protector
Jasmin paused for a moment to talk about her neighborhood and Terrell. She described Terrell as the local gang leader and a protector. She said most of the gangs protected their turf and the people who lived in the neighborhood. Everyone in the community knew the club sold marijuana and sold stolen goods from Maryland and Florida. However, these same gang members acted as protectors for the locals. She said residents and gang members supported the relationship between the locals and the gang. The gang members often provided food for those in need and stopped other gangs outside our neighborhood from stealing in their area in exchange for the locals ignoring them selling pot and stolen goods. Shockingly, she said they were more dependable than having police officers around. Everyone in the neighborhood had a contact number to a burner phone number, and if anyone needed help, help arrived quickly.
“My Dad may have only an eighth-grade education, but he was street-smart and loved his kids. He knew Terrell and the gang would end the harassment from social services and CPS. Grandma wasn’t afraid of Terrell, and I showed Grandma the letter from Dad. She quickly called Terrell. He went right over to my grandma’s home; she gave Terrell the letter to read from my dad. He told her the next time they came to the house to call him, and he would show up and welcome them to the neighborhood. About a week later, social services showed up at my grandma’s home, and she called Terrell. A few minutes later, seven cars showed up filled with gang members; I saw Terrell get out of his ride and the others get out of each vehicle. I could hear him say they just wanted to welcome social services to the neighborhood! He then asked them what business did they have there? He said he knew they liked to kidnap Black babies and kids. He said he would only tell them once to get in their damn car, drive off, and never return to this home or her aunt’s house again. And did they understand his words?
“Darel, social services never showed up at my grandma’s or aunt’s home after Terrell welcomed them to the neighborhood,” she said with a smile.
“My dad’s urgent letter may have saved us from being taken from social services or CPS. “
A few years ago, her grandmother passed away, and Terrell and his gang members filled rooms of her home with food for her family, and nearly thirty of them attended her funeral. Terrell gave her mom a few thousand in cash as well.
About seven months after Mom was hospitalized, we moved home.
“My mother hadn’t fully recovered but feared social services would kidnap us. She had asked for her mom and aunt's help, and they agreed. About seven months later, my brother, sister, and I moved home to live with Mom. “
Once we moved into Mom’s home, the alienation began again.
“Once we moved into Mom’s home, she alienated my father from us. Regarding the parental alienation you mentioned, my mom began alienating us against our father. I’m older than my siblings, but they believed my mother. She began to abuse us verbally and alienated the other kids, but I knew better. I knew if it hadn’t been for my dad’s idea to protect us the night she was hit, and later when he wrote me to contact Terrell, we would have most likely been removed by CPS and placed in foster care and become part of the system.”
My dad was released from Prison after serving two and a half years.
“My dad continued to write to me, and I replied to each letter. My siblings began throwing his notes in the trash and stopped writing to Dad. By now, my mom had completely alienated my siblings from Dad. Then came the day a letter arrived from Dad to let me know when he would receive an early release. He wanted to come to see us the day he was released. My Mom was shocked to learn that he would be released early, and a few days later, she received a letter from the courts confirming his early release.”
Dad visits us on the first day of release and is shocked.
“I had written to him about six months before his early release that my mom had a boyfriend while also married to my dad. My dad never acknowledged that he had received this particular letter, and when he arrived, her boyfriend was also there. Mom wasn’t at home when my dad came, but my mom’s boyfriend let my dad in. My dad shook his hand and thanked him for helping with his kids. My dad was trembling and angry but never acted out against her boyfriend.
My brother and sister refused to talk to Dad, but I was happy to see him. My dad was upset that my brother and sister had rejected his visit.
Dad told me he would do his best to get a job quickly and start caring for the other kids and me. He also said he would work something out with our mother to see us often.”
Mom arrives home and blows a gasket
“I’m glad my mom and dad didn’t meet during his first visit. If they had, she would have hit him or yelled and screamed at him, at the very least. My mom’s boyfriend told mom my dad was cool around us kids, so she could stop yelling at him.
My dad called later, her asking her to forgive him for what happened that night; she began crying and hung up the phone on him.
Mom began badmouthing my dad and alienating the kids even more so than before. Dad tried to see all three of us and invited my siblings and me to the park a few blocks away. However, my siblings refused to go. I always went to see Dad.
A few months passed, and Dad could only find a job as a cook at a fast-food restaurant. He mainly used his paycheck to pay child support while living with my uncle. He told me it was hard to get a job with a felony assault record, but he never complained and did his best.
Mom seemed happier with my sibling’s rejection of my dad, but she became angry with me about seeing him.”
Mom demands I reject my dad.
“As Dad attempted to reconnect with each kid, she rejected me. One afternoon, after I came home from school, she demanded that I have nothing to do with my dad or else. I told her I love both her and Dad and she should not be so mean to me. Mom claimed she would be better off if he died or was left alone. The following weekend she said it was clear to her I don’t respect her or her wishes, and because I wanted to have a relationship with a man who almost killed her, I could go live with my grandma. She packed my clothes, put me in the car while I was crying hysterically, and took me to my grandma’s. Grandma was waiting on the front porch. She told her daughter, my mom, that she wasn’t welcome at her house until they talked. I called my dad and told him what had happened. My uncle brought him to grandma’s house, and I begged him to take me with him.”
“Dad arrived and sat beside me as I cried. When he arrived, he said little but held me as I cried. He said he wanted me to come to live with him, but right now, he was not even working full-time at the restaurant and didn’t have an apartment. My uncle had told him the previous week that he would pay for him to obtain his CDL. Further, he would help him get a job with the trucking company he worked for. He said he hoped to get a job as a short-haul driver from 7-3, Monday through Friday. I was sad when he left that night, but I was happy he had the opportunity to have a better job soon.
While living with Grandma, I began drinking again to dull the rejection. I also met with boys who wanted only one thing.”
Dad’s new job as a short-haul trucker
“Roughly three months later, my dad obtained his CDL and began working for the same trucking company my uncle worked at. Nearly a month later, my dad had earned enough to pay for a deposit for an apartment. My siblings refused to move into dad’s new apartment, not even for a visit. My dad barely had enough money to move into an apartment, yet he turned my bedroom into a dreamy one that any girl would love. He didn’t have a mattress in his bedroom. He slept on a couch he bought from a thrift store.
Six months later, one of his trucker friends bought a new home and rented his house to my dad. The new home was in a nicer neighborhood, and as a result of the move, I attended a better school. Besides my grandma’s house, this was the first house I had ever lived in, and it was large enough to invite my siblings, and I could have shared my room with my sister.”
At sixteen, I began attending Acholic Anonymous and had a better future.
“When I started at the new school, I tried out for volleyball and made the team. The coach was friendly and funny. The coach told me she was responsible for encouraging my best at every game, both on and off the field. , but she expected more from her best girls. My new standard should be a “B” average. She said I was now nearly an adult and expected me to improve in every area of my life. If I needed help with academics, I just let her know.
My dad took action to help me with my alcohol issues, and my coach encouraged me to attend summer school for math and English. My dad gave me the support I needed to improve my life.
By the end of the summer, and after our move into a new area of the city, I had stopped drinking. Since then, I’ve only had a few relapses, and my grades improved from a below-average “D” to a “C” plus. The following year, my grades were mostly “A’s” and “B’s, and I began taking AP classes online. Last year, I was accepted into a nursing program to obtain my LPN, and later I plan to become a registered nurse.
My father and aunt attended my high school graduation, but my mother and siblings were no-shows.”
I asked Jasmin about Parental Alienation.
Jasmin’s verbatim remarks about the Parental Alienation she is experiencing:
“Darel, I’ve read a few online publications about PA. My school counselor said I was an alienated kid, and our mutual friend lost her only son to parental alienation. Mom began to alienate my siblings and me before her accident. Once my dad was released from prison, I don’t believe my father threatened her, as she says. But she was threatened that my dad’s return would overturn the lies she told my siblings and me. Mom knows she has severe anger issues and always provokes dad. Still, I don’t condone Dad hitting Mom, nor does he. But a furious person can provoke a man or woman to hit another. Because Mom asked my siblings and me to pick sides, I’ve never been able to speak to my siblings or my mother since she packed up my things and moved me to Grandma’s. Neither my mom nor my siblings would talk to me at Grandma’s funeral. My dad has tried to reach his kids, but they refuse to return his calls. Mainly, my mother, as well as my brother and sister, alienated me. My dad is also estranged from his son and daughter. My grandma asked me to forgive my mom and siblings just before her passing, and I’ve done so. I stopped trying to contact my siblings and Mom to eliminate the roller coaster ride of rejection and hope. Maybe they will contact me one day, and if they don’t, I’ll be ok. My father has been depressed about being alienated for a long time, but I’m happy I have a father as great as mine.
I never believed my mom’s stupid lies about Dad, but my siblings did.
I’ve read other stories about PA, and honestly, I think my dad did everything possible to be reunited with my brother and sister. But the hatefulness from my mother has destroyed his hope. I’m glad my dad invited me to live with him, and I love him every day for doing his best.”
I asked Jasmin if she had words of advice for the alienated victims.
Jasmin’s response verbatim:
“Honestly, Parental Alienation is stupid! Mom is both mean-spirited and a control freak. It is challenging to live with those types of people and have a home full of happiness. While Dad is depressed from my sibling’s rejection, he is also more at peace being away from Mom. I hope your readers find peace as I have.
Love is the greatest defender,
Darel L. Long
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