A Pivotal Mistake I made as an Alienated Parent
A Pivotal Mistake I made as an Alienated Parent
During the chaos created by Parental Alienation, I overlooked an answer to prayer, and this event may have permanently overcome PA with my daughter.
I’ve often told friends, family, and loved ones that during the onslaught of Parental Alienation and divorce, it’s challenging to focus on divorce while also becoming a warrior to protect our kids from Parental Alienation. In my case, while attempting to fight to win, and during the last part of my custody case, I was also quietly overcoming prostate cancer. The daily dose of fear from prostate cancer and my quest to love my daughter and overcome parental alienation was challenging. I have overcome prostate cancer and have thus far lived a more meaningful life despite not having Alexis in my life as a typical father/daughter relationship.
During the many years of health and, alienation, chaos, I recall a pivotal moment that I believe may have restored my relationship, and I would have likely received full custody of Alexis. Most likely, someone reading this article today is setting on this same golden opportunity to take bold action, which I failed to recognize then.
A Golden Opportunity
Has the mother or father of your child moved out of your home and left you with the kid(s)? If so, and depending on the events, you may have the golden opportunity to file for abandonment. In my state of Virginia, and according to a lawyer I hired, I was advised to take immediate action and file for abandonment. The lawyer had everything ready to file at the courthouse, and I asked him to delay the filing to see what may occur with my former wife. This fact alone was one of my greatest mistakes.
The fact that my former wife moved out of our house and moved into the home of her friend and had little contact with Alexis and it was, in fact, the bases of my potential claim for abandonment and, secondarily, the duration of which she was away meet the conditions for abandonment in Virginia.
My Humanity
Initially, I asked the lawyer to delay filing for abandonment while understanding that if I chose to do so would harm her professional position and her plans to become a professional counselor.
In Reality
Her onslaught of parental Alienation continued, and she is now the Director of Counseling for an extensive county school system. She doesn’t deserve the title and professional position due to her direct acts of Alienation and abuse.
My Mistakes
My mistake at that time did not to recognize the difference between a typical divorce, where both parents can co-parent the kids, vs. a Parent who chooses to Alienate the child’s parent and is more inclined to be controlling at the determent of our children and our hope to be a loving lifetime parent.
The excellent role of any lawyer is to be a great legal counselor. I recall a short list of examples he announced during a meeting in which she was alienating me from my daughter, and he urged me to file a charge of abandonment. Doing so could have ended Parental Alienation with this potential legal filing.
Another major mistake
By mistake, I mentioned to a mutual friend of my wife and me at that time that I may file for charges of abonnement. A few days later, my former wife reached out for a reunion, and she returned home. Thus, my golden opportunity to gain full custody of my daughter was undermined by the following factors.
My level of humanity extended to my former wife.
I lacked a genuine understanding of the difference between a typical divorce scenario where co-parenting was possible vs. A parent who undermines the love for your child using Parental Alienation.
I mentioned my plans to file for abandonment to a mutual friend who likely told my former wife.
I needed to gain the wisdom to listen to my lawyer.
We should never forget that coincidences of a reunion don’t indeed exist once we make the mistake of sharing the news with others.
I suppose my thoughts at that crucial time inferred the hope of a stronger family. Perhaps the next issue which created tremendous emotional issues was knowing she had participated in at least two affairs and possibly others.
Final Thoughts
I recently wrote an article using data about my alienated parental friends, noting that only 11% of parents join a reunion without kids. As I think thru the past, Later, I’ll provide an article that may help increase the odds of a reunion without kids to 20%. Today I realize three of my alienated friends have faced similar issues with abandonment. For some reason, each of us joined a reunion with the agitator and, of course, later regretted doing so. Nonetheless, if you are in a similar situation and realize you’ve been alienated and the abuser has abandoned you. Then immediately check with your lawyer and see if you can flip the future for loving control of your kids without enduring endless years of a hopeful reunion with your kids.
I’ve learned a hard lesson, the parents who abuse their kids by using parental alienation hold a limited value to love and elevate humanity, and you must take this golden opportunity to secure your future with your kids if the abuser currently abandons you, leaving you also with your kids.
Don’t make the same pivotal mistake I made as an alienated parent!
Love is the greatest defender,
Darel L. Long
Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? I’m wondering, for the parents whose children return after PA abuse, what resources exist for them? I’m sure there is a lot of unpacking that needs to be done and I would think assistance to that end would be necessary.